Just when I thought I’d heard everything…
You know, I remember riding on the school bus during my middle and high school years watching a few kids sniffing white out to get buzzed. I won’t lie. I smelled it once. It just gave me a raging headache. Why would I do that again? Well, I didn’t. Because I wasn’t an idiot.
On my way home from picking the kids up from school today, I heard on the radio that teens are now getting drunk off of hand sanitizer.
I don’t know about you, but I’d rather walk in on my child with a beer in one hand while he choked his chicken watching Internet porn than to find out he was dumb enough to swallow hand sanitizer.
At least beer and masturbation is normal. Eating hand sanitizer, that’s something completely different. That’s gross. That’s…just…weird.
Apparently there are instructions online for how to distill the sanitizer. At 60% alcohol, the kids are coming up with over 100 proof alcoholic drinks from hand sanitizer.
I’ll give them this: that’s friggin’ clever. I mean, I’d almost find myself feeling a little proud if one of my kids was running his own distillery to make alcohol to sell to his buddies from hand sanitizer…as long as he wasn’t consuming it himself. I’d shut him down, of course, because it’s wrong and illegal, but I’d probably mention, if briefly, that he was one clever SOB.
I’d also tell him the story about how our family once ran speakeasies and made booze in bathtubs during the prohibition.
And then I’d tell him that if I ever caught him pulling anything like that again, I would knock his lights out. And if he consumed the hand sanitizer beverage himself, I would lock him up in his room without his Internet porn.
Then again, I may just take his stupid ass to the ER and turn him into the police, because that’s how I roll.
I’d honestly prefer my kid smoked pot over this. At least it’s natural…and less weird. And it won’t land you in the hospital fighting for your life, either.
Despite the news, it doesn’t seem it is a new trend. Of course, any teenager who wants to get their hands on a controlled substance is going to find some way to do it. They see “alcohol” on the label and assume they can get drunk if they consume it. At my high school, you weren’t allowed to bring mouthwash or cold medicine to school because they assumed you’d get drunk off of it.
At least obtaining cigarettes was easier; you just found the 18 year old senior who was willing to pick a pack up for you.
Whatever happened to the pathetic 21 year olds who would buy booze for their 16 year old pals in high school? Where have they all gone? Have they finally gotten lives? Or are they spending too much time in their mommies’ basements avoiding college?
$10 says that some parents group out there is going to try to ban hand sanitizer or turn it into a controlled substance you can’t purchase without a license proving you’re over 21.
Question: What are your thoughts on this hand sanitizer drinking craziness?
- Teens Drinking Hand Sanitizer Is Not A Scary New Trend, But It Is Gross And Dangerous (blisstree.com)
- Teenagers drinking hand sanitizer to get drunk, doctors say – Fox News (drugstoresource.wordpress.com)
- Hand Sanitizer Chugging Proves American Teens May Be World’s Stupidest [Kids Today] (jezebel.com)